By Mikayla van Loon
An online event encouraging women of all ages to learn to say ‘yes’ and ask for what they need is being hosted by Japara Neighbourhood House on Wednesday 19 October.
Humm Coaching’s Kelly Koolen will be running the women’s empowerment and self care recognition workshop and said it will be about “learning how to say yes and make sure your yes is really important for you.”
“A good [way to get an] understanding of that is to have a look at what you’re currently saying yes to and what you’re currently saying no to,” she said.
“Even having a look at what the criteria is when you make that sort of decision because we all have criteria when we make a decision but a lot of it’s unconscious.”
With children, family, work and social engagements Kelly said often decisions are made, more commonly by women, to benefit someone else but finding balance between helping others and helping yourself can be challenging.
“It’s easy to get lost in life. Especially as a woman, we’re often looking after other people, whether it’s your children or your elderly parents, trying to maintain your career, whatever it is, we often get lost in those things and I think it’s really important to just take a step back,” Kelly said.
Whether it’s finding an activity, hobby, social group or making time to read a book, Kelly said it is a really empowering step in self care and self love which will be reflected in an individual’s attitude towards their family and work life.
Japara’s community engagement coordinator Christie Humble said having looked at the recent Census data on unpaid labour, it felt like a good time to host a women’s health event to start that conversation.
“Women predominantly do more heading into Christmas so this is a really important conversation because that escalates when you’ve got events or you’ve got to find presents for everybody or you’re doing this or you’re doing that and what is,” she said.
“When you’re at capacity, you can’t give any more and suddenly it comes into full throttle mode come the end of the year and you’re burning out.”
Not only is the online session aimed at women with children or with career aspirations but for retirees looking to find something for themselves.
Yarra Ranges U3A president Ann Brickell said with 342 members and 275 of them being women, it’s clear older women are discovering the ability to say ‘yes’ to things just for them.
“They need something to come to fulfil themselves. It gives them a chance to try something that they might never have tried before,” she said.
Although it may not seem like it, Ann said it very much fits into the category of self care, particularly because of the social aspect of taking a language class or ballet class.
“It’s amazing that there’s opportunities to say yes with U3A and different activities, and it’s important that no matter where you are in your life that you do say yes because it’s part of mental health, it’s part of self care,” Christie said.
Kelly said there is a big misconception that self care equals alone time but it will be different for each person and more often than not it is about connection to self or friends through whichever means works best for the individual.
The workshop, Kelly said, really is for all ages, situations and stages of life to help guide women in particular to find self care that works for them but also to learn to say ‘yes’ and ‘no’.
“I think older people could benefit from this as much or even more than younger people because it’s been ingrained for so much longer, over a longer period of time, you didn’t have me time, you just did what you had to do and got on with it,” Ann said.
Christie said while many of the women who have already signed up for the workshop are parents, she and Kelly would like to see a variety of women join in.
“No matter who you are, what your background is, what your age is, what your personal circumstances are, what your financial circumstances are, cultural, religious, it doesn’t matter,” Kelly said.
“If we’re not looking after us, then we can’t look after anyone else and we can’t follow a career path that we want to follow. We can’t achieve our personal goals that we want to achieve.”
With groups like U3A, the early learning program at Japara and the Montrose Community Cupboard, Christie said she sees and hears from a range of people, all with similar tales of burn out.
“Those opportunities have given me chances to talk to a very varied demographic of people and it’s the same conversations people have of burning out.
“People are tired, people either haven’t got back into hobbies or that self care time and the more I had these conversations, the more I really wanted it to be that these groups had an opportunity to learn you certainly can say yes to doing ballet or whatever else it might be.”
Kelly, Christie and Ann encourage everyone to come along to the online workshop whether tea in hand, pyjamas on or kids in the background. To register, go to www.socialplanet.com.au/activity/view?id=9629
